Fame and Homemade Granola

So the most exciting bit of recognition I've ever received for this blog has been getting contacted by Kellogg's because, in their words, I'm a "discerning food lover". They asked if they could send me a sample of a new cereal, and I momentarily thought I might be giving my details to an identity thief, decided to say yes anyway just to see what happened, and then I forgot all about it. 

The anticipation didn't kill me mostly because I thought they were going to send me sample-sized samples. Food in small packets is simply dissatisfaction all wrapped up in over-packaging. I knew I would just relegate it to a cupboard while I ate items that were more guaranteed to satiate. Big foods, shoveled in. 

When I retrieved the very large and heavy box from my neighbours a couple of months later, I thought it was some sewing paraphernalia. I only started to clue in when I noted that it was addressed to Ginger Tablet, not a nom de plume I've ever given the sewing machine man. Nope, this was a load of cereal directly from the kitchens of Mr Kellogg. But not only cereal! Inside the box was a straw-filled wood and wicker crate, a rustic (questionably food safe) wooden bowl, a single hefty spoon and four boxes of cereal. One of each flavour of their new granola. I got all of this in exchange for filling out a little questionnaire online. 

Now, I was never asked to blog about these products, but I can only imagine that they thought that by sending me such a winsome array of props, I could stage quite the photo. Unfortunately I won't make that dream come true, but I did have some thoughts on their offering:

- Freeze-dried fruit is weird. These blends have half dried fruit and half freeze-dried. One part chewy and one part foam-y. It's an unappealing contrast. Although the cherry/raspberry turned out to be our favourite once the foam berries reconstituted themselves in milk, the apple/black currant variety with the foam apple chunks was pretty strange. I didn't dip into that box very often.

- I like my granola 100% oat-based. Wheat and barley do nothing for me in this context. 

- The product range is called "Nature's Pleasure". This horrible bit of branding is fertile ground for many a suggestive joke at breakfast time. And perhaps all of our breakfasts should be just a little bit dirtier. I know we sure giggled a few times. 

- The overall design and promotion of this cereal is a little something I like to call "twee as f**k". This aesthetic that earnestly embraces cupcakes as a political lifestyle choice. An attitude that privileges cuteness and the preservation of ignorance. This can be fine in a small business on Etsy and adorable in your first art school girlfriend, but when Kellogg's goes for hand-drawn graphics and the word "yum!" and a breakdown of the ingredients and how wholesome they are, the general effect is both creepy and obscuring. One does not read the label and think things are just that simple, one feels lied to. I also do not like packages addressing me directly: "as it's such a beautifully simple process we thought we'd share it with you". This is awfully forward. They totally don't even know me.

- Realization: I enjoy overproduced free things and for the first time wanted to be very, very famous 

- Realization: I will never be able to understand the enormity of advertising budgets that can promote these products in such a ridiculous fashion. How many rustic crates did they send  out?

Overall verdict: It was fine. A bit boring. Not quite crunchy enough or sweet enough or full enough of fruit/nut bits. None of the flavours were horrible, although our last box is languishing a bit. And the suggested retail price of 2.49 is cheaper than I would have thought. Basically, if you're stuck for a cereal, then this would be fine. I think it's going to hit the shelves in April.

But I love cereal and feel that it can be so much more than whatever. I've been making a batch of granola every Sunday since January and not only is it easy, it is phenomenally good and completely adaptable. You can put in whatever you want. The basic premise is that you mix some vegetable oil and your sweeteners of choice (applesauce/honey/maple syrup/brown sugar/etc) in one bowl and your oats and chopped nuts in another bowl and then smush them together, spread the mixture on a baking sheet and pop it in the oven at 350/180 for half an hour, stirring it around now and then until it browns evenly. If you want to add dried fruit you can just dump it in once the mixture is out of the oven. I've read that you should keep it in the fridge, so that's what I do. It's not a lot of work and the result is (technically) delicious x 1,000,000. 

In conclusion, you can do exactly the same thing as Kellogg's and not spend very much time or money, but instead of ending up with a product that's meh, you get the cereal of your fantasies (if you're into granola). In the concluding section of the on-the-box essay concerning Nature's Pleasure, Kellogg's goes onto say that the process of producing it is "so simple anyone could make it. Anyone with time. And an oven."

Dear reader, I would like to suggest that you are indeed such an anyone. 

Granola Any Way You Like It (if you like it to begin with)

Dry ingredients

Oats (6-7 cups)

Nuts! A couple of handfuls, whatever kinds take your fancy! Chop them up!

About 1/3 c of brown sugar

Wet Stuff

1/3 c vegetable oil

Honey

Applesauce - or if you live in a country where that's an exotic substance, finely grate a peeled apple instead. Very similar texture.

Maple Syrup

Other sweet liquid

Maybe some nice juice (I used apple/rhubarb once with great success)

Extra stuff

Cinnamon

Ginger

Vanilla Extract

Fruit

Anything dried, and chop anything big

Method:

Turn on your oven 180/350

1. Mix all the dry stuff together

2. Make a custom blend of your favourite sweeteners. The exact ratio doesn't matter. I use oil, one grated apple, a good glob of honey and maybe some juice. Try to end up with roughly 1.5 cups of stuff.

3. Mix the wet and the dry and add any some spices if you want.

4. Spread the mixture on two baking sheets. Pop them in the oven and every now and then rotate them and stir the oats around. When everything is lightly browned (25-35 minutes) remove the sheets and let them cool. Don't worry if things appear soggy. It will crisp up as it cools.

5. Break it up into the kind of chunks you like best. Add fruit if you're one of those people. 

To increase the overall smug quotient of making your own granola, have it with plain yogurt and pomegranate seeds after your swim in the morning. Take it into work. Tell people that you not only went for a swim, but you made this granola with your own dear little hands. This is a surefire way to gain admirers and allies.

Comments

[avegancalledbacon]

I hate that kind of marketing too. I reckon it was started by Innocent Smoothies. "Ingredients: a couple of gently squeezed slices of lemon, a happy unpeeled potato, and an ickle tickle under your chin because you're SOOOO cute." FUCKERS.

[jess]

awesome. can you make a different meal and put it in the wooden bowl? i kind of what to see it now.

[Dad]

that's pretty interesting stuff there cookie...i ate it up so to speak. and not being a granola kinda guy, i will defer to your greater authority...and you got a winsome bowl to boot!

[daccia]

hahahahhaa, this one is so hilarious.